what-mom:

friends: want to go out later?

me: i can’t i have plans

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californstar:

My anaconda don’t wanna go to class tomorrow

officialunitedstates:

I never hold open doors for girls because if you open up one door, you have to keep it open indefinitely because another girl is bound to show up eventually and you have to hold it open for her.  It’s best to never get involved in these chivalry shenanigans in the first place

internetexplwhorer:

look at the stars, look how they shine for you

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Sirius: I'm serious.
Remus: I'm a were.

foxnewsofficial:

stop global warming i don’t look good in shorts

hedlunds:

im tired of things costing money